Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
