im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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