shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
