HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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