Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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