She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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