I wanna bring you to show and tell
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
