He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
