turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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