I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
