Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
