Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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