I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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