I want to make a zoo with you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
