She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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