All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
