Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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