What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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