the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
