We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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