You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
