Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
