Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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