this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
