Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
