dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
