I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
