I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
