Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
