if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My penis needs a shock collar
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
