Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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