Me too!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
