dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
