can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
