apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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