I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
