Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....