On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom