He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I smell like bad decisions