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Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
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