hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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