I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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