you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
