why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
