Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
