Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
