i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
