Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
