4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
