Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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