drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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