Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
