I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
