she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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