There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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