There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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