Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
