Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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