my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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