Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
